Friday, September 28, 2007
I was deciding what i should share here in my blog following the few weeks of experience in NIE that i mentioned in the previous post. I decided to start with the most important thing i felt just on thur night.
As i was reading my friend's kejin blog and talking to my friend Sharryl over the phone. Suddenly a revelation hit me. It was really all of a sudden. I still vividly remember there was a sudden gush of blood, a sudden surge in the spirit within me, it was a strange sensation. Anyway what i felt was that i was supposed to take the gospel of love to the world. Hmm.. to tell the world the simple stuff that God loves them and wants to have a friendship with them to give them comfort, rest, true friendship, true concern and love.
Even as i was sharing with jianye over msn that what i felt was my calling, i felt a surge of God's presence in the room within that split second. And within another few minutes another of God's confirmation came, i suddenly received a call that i have two newcomers. So i know and i know and i know that it must be a God thing.
It suddenly make all what i am experiecing in the past weeks make sense. The wonderful friendship i have with kejin, ainin, xueyu and gang, the close friendship i have with bingyan, weixian, zhuoxiong and my group members lying, kejin, sharryl and mejiao. I was asking God non stop for answers the past few weeks. I ask God the one thing that i desire to know so desperately, why is there such innocent and true friendship outside church that sometimes i feel is lacking. Maybe i dont feel it...maybe i am numb i really dont know
God did replied me....
John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
Then it then dawned on me why Jesus said that. Cause that's what the world is crying out for... that true love of God, that acceptance by God, that companionship of God, that caring fatherly figure of God. I begin to understand.. sometimes out of our busyness is the ministry and serving..we have forgotten the most fundamental and most basic thing in life...to bring that love of God...whether its within the four walls or outside the four walls, thats what make people want to go church,
No wonder God said in Matthew 6:34
For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? What good do we profit, if we multiply our groups, hit our monthly attendance but we have lost our own soul. Losing the ability to sympathize. not caring for others anymore just because we are busy, no longer tolerating and loving others that are different from us. God does not need another robot to bring in the souls. What God needs is someone who has a real heart for the lost, who genuinely seeks the lost souls, who cares for their needs.
When i began to ponder over all this a bus trip, tears flowed down my eyes, i understood why i was called, i understood why i been through the rough patches of life.. i cannot sympathise and share and saved if i havent been through all this...Truely like what pastor always say the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart...I realise as a chrisitan, i have matured this one year... no longer that willful and judgmental Christian who leads an unbalanced life but progressing to be a chrisitan who demonstrates love and concern whevener i am...The journey ahead of me is still long...but at least i am progressing in the right direction...
"Praises will not be enough to show how my love for You has grown...Nothing matters when You are here with me..In the end just to hear You say "well done" bowing before your throne"
My blog has been literally dead for months. I was thinking i might as well shut it down.. But just now as i was on the bus pondering over some thoughts... i just wanted to blog it down.. Haha so here i am.. to blog down some random thoughts of mine...
Actually the past 2 weeks has really set me thinking about a lot of things. I know i am supposed to be busy over my nie assignments, children day celebration(big day), the many different kids and stuff. But somehow my mind has wander off. I felt this 2 weeks my life although moving fast as usual, theres a certain slowness to it. I know i am contradicting myself but its a strange feeling i dont know how to explain. There is a sudden awakening of my soul and my feelings that i havent been in touch for a long time.
I have been busy busy and more busy, but suddenly despite all of my life moving forward at a furious path, i seem to be outside, looking observing. Its a strange position to be in. But somehow God's presence and touch is in my life. Its really hard to put down in words what i am feeling now. Its just that i am somehow at a strange crossroad of my life. God is revealing to me some stuff as i move forward..
Its strange as all of this stuff that i am experiencing is stuff i am feeling outside church. Thats what complicates matters i feel. Learning to experience God and feeling God's direction in the marketplace is a whole new dimension and requires a new dimension of faith. I feel lost at times actually not knowing how to maintain a delicate balance between church maketplace and ministry
But sometimes i do feel God's presence in the midst of all the things. And somehow its a leading, a confirmation, that i am somehow on a right path..I must admit that sometimes i feel i am not that one that should be doing all this... i feel why did God call me in a way that seems different, that seems wayward, that i am not even sure of. I would prefer to be on the bandwagon, where that simple me just do my best to make a difference. That has always been me.. and will always be me.
Anyway i will share my of what i felt God speak to me in the next few post. I cant imagine i actually wrote so much without basically saying much
"My heart and my strength many times they fail...But there is one truth that always will prevail.. God is the strength of my heart..."
